Recently, Susie helped a friend teach a communication workshop in a city near where we live. Since Susie was filling in for her friend's partner who wasn't able to teach the workshop, she wasn't as familiar with the material as she would have liked to have been.

During one of the exercises, one of the workshop participants described a complaint about her partner to him in this way: "When I came into town last night, you didn't embrace me."

Susie (as well as half of the participants) "heard" and saw "airport" in her mind as the woman spoke. She could visualize the woman getting off the airplane, walking to the baggage claim area and meeting her partner there.

It was so real that Susie made some comments about their meeting at the "airport" and much to her embarrassment, the woman's partner said there was no airport. She had driven from where she lived (about 100 miles) to where he lived.

What was so enlightening about the situation is that Susie and half the other people in the class were very sure that they had heard "airport" as the woman talked and they obviously had not.

How many of us do the exact same thing during interactions with the people in our lives?

Another question that is equally important is--How many of us hang on to being right from false perceptions like the airport that really wasn't there?

None of the people who "heard" airport during the workshop argued with the people who were involved. But how many of us argue our points of view when we could just as easily have allowed our minds to run rampant with made up "stories" and not heard what was actually said.

So how can you make sure that you don't make this very basic communication mistake?

Here are a few tips to help you create clearer communication with the people in your life:

1. Listen with your full attention when someone is talking to you. If you can't give your full attention, let the person know and give them a time you can give them your full attention. Listening is not a time to multi-task. Many people think they don't have to listen as carefully to their partner/spouse or children. But the fact is, if you want to create close, connected relationships, you have to give your undivided attention to the other person.

2. In a conversation, if you need more information, don't make it up. Ask for clarification. Many people start assuming and embellishing on stories when they haven't been told all of the facts. We suggest that you get the story straight.

3. If someone corrects you and has another point of view on what was said or what happened and you are equally sure that your version is correct, don't immediately jump in arguing that you are right. You may be right but you may also not be right. Take a moment to find out the facts before you say or do things that can distance you from the other person.

It's been said that if six people see an automobile accident happen, there will be six different versions of what happened.

Like Susie, we're all human and create unfounded stories in our heads from time to time. The challenge is to remain open in those times, see the humor in it and discover what's really going on.

When you are able to do this, you'll find that communication will go much easier and smoother with the people in your life.

© Otto & Susie Collins
Life Channels Staff Writers
All Rights Reserved

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